The past week has been fairly good. I finally decided buy some web server space and get my website going again. I have spent the last week building the website. It has been enjoyable just having something to work on.
Despite the goodness of the past week, today has turned out to be another day in which I cry out “HOW LONG O LORD?”
Part of it is the fact of realizing that more than likely; few, if any, are going to have any real interest in what is on my website. This is very hard for me to take.
To me the truth I know is the most wonderful thing in the world. It is so real! So alive! And so powerful! And yet for those who do not truly love God, it just seems like a bunch of boring writings. Oh how I long to shout out and be heard!
Another reason I cried out "How Long O Lord?" is because I discovered Face Book (facebook.com) today. I have heard of it before, but I have never taken time to see what is was about. However, today, while doing an internet search for an old acquaintance, I was led to that site. I was amazed to find how so many people are connected to one another on that site.
At first it was kind of neat being able to find so many old acquaintances, but as my wife and I kept looking through various “friends” list, I realized just how out of place I and my family are in this world. For a moment I felt left out and lonelier than usual, however, all those feelings soon passed.
They passed as I read Hebrews, chapter 11 to my family before bed. As I read, I became very thankful that I am a part of the family of faith. I am thankful that I can identify with every verse of that chapter. I am thankful that I am a stranger and pilgrim in this land, for so are all who truly love my God. I am looking for a city to come. This world is not my home. It is going to pass away. But those who do the will of God will endure forever.
I have a network of friends. However, they are not just friends – they are family. They are my brothers and sister who have also been baptized into Christ. For now, God in his wisdom has chosen to keep us apart, but soon he is going to gather us together.
Because of my visit to Face Book, it really sunk in to me just how similar things really are now just as they were in the days of Noah. People are eating, drinking, getting married, and going about the lives without the faintest idea of what is coming around the corner. In one way, it is frustrating to see such blindness, but in another way, it is encouraging to know that this is exactly how Jesus said it would be before his return. In just a short while, God is going to take his children home to safety so that he can fully unleash his fury upon Babylon.
One other thing: I now have to figure out what to do with all the contacts that are available on “Face Book.” Part of me says to just leave well enough alone, and another part of me wonders if I shouldn’t try to contact the people I know to at least warn them of what is coming. I know that doing so is futile, but I’m not sure that that releases me from the obligation to do so. I will certainly seek God on the matter.
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January 20, 2009
Finally, some light has come back into my life. For the past couple of days I have felt the goodness of God. My kids have been a joy, and our life has been enjoyable.
My family went on a long field walk yesterday and we really enjoyed ourselves. At one point my dogs ran far ahead of us, so we thought it would be fun to hide in the tall grass and then call for them to see how quick they could find us. I’ve done this before several times, and usually they can sniff me out right away. However, yesterday for some reason, our yellow lab ran right past us and just kept on running. A few seconds later, our black lab ran past us, but she caught our scent and came back and found us. When we stood up, we expected to see our yellow lab close by, however, he was nowhere to be found. After a few minutes we began to call for him, but he didn’t come. I didn’t worry about it for I figured he must have run straight home. However, when we made it back home about 45 minutes later, he was not there.
Now, if it would have been Lucy (our black Lab) that was missing, I wouldn’t have worried about her. She is a pretty smart dog, but since it was Buck, I was worried. He’s not quite as smart as Lucy. So once I got home, my family and I got in the truck and drove along the road that borders the field we were walking in in hope of finding him. Our search was fruitless, and when we returned home he was still gone. Since he was still gone I decided to go ahead and drive up into the field to the place we last saw him. We blew the horn as we drove and finally from a direction that was off the beaten path our dog came a running. Why he ended up so far away I don’t quite understand. I sure love that dog, but truly he’s not to bright.
Buck
I’m considering starting up my website again. Even though I realize that it is unlikely to bear any fruit in the kingdom of God, I think that it will do my soul some good to have a place to say all the wonderful things that I know to be truth.
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January 18, 2009
As I said before: “How Long O Lord? How Long?”
I am still so bored. I waste my time on the computer or even watching too much TV. Our house is starting to seem small. And even my kids are kind of rubbing on my nerves. I hate feeling this way. For one thing is certain: it definitely not their fault. They too like me are just bored and hungry for fellowship. Our isolation is beginning to take a serious toll in our lives. It is getting harder and harder with each passing day. Though I have no choice but to go on, sometimes I wonder how much longer I actually can go on. Please take us home!!!
If O Lord you could just please let me have a chance to tell someone all that I believe, then I feel that such an experience could provide some greatly needed relief. All that you have done for me is just wasting away inside me. Please, I really need someone to tell.
I know you know what is best. Help me to never doubt you, and help me to never show the slightest hint of being angry towards you. I really do trust you. However, it just feels like it has been so long since I have heard from you. I really hope that I hear from you again soon. Your will be done.
I miss dancing with my kids. I miss preaching to the mirror. I miss learning as I did in the early days. But you know all of this, and you really do care. After all, you really know the number of the hairs on my head.
Thanks for being such a loving and caring God. Please illuminate any faults and failures in my life at this time.
O how I love you and long to see you!
Thanks for all you do,
Jason
January 5, 2009
Today I feel like I could go insane. How long oh lord? How Long?
I am so bored. I don’t know how long I can go on like this. It is so hard waiting for something to happen when you don’t know “when” it is going to happen.
Sometimes I think that I would like a job outside of the house, but I know that God knows what is best.
I just want it all to be over. I want to be home. I want to confirm that I am not crazy.
I know that I am not crazy. I know it! But sometimes I have to wonder. The Bible says that there is a large number of people coming into the kingdom at this time, and yet I can see no sign of it in anywhere on this earth. If it wasn’t for my understanding of Zechariah chapter 12, I would probably conclude that I am on the wrong track. But because of Zechariah 12, I believe that it is quite possible that God has his great multitude in the earth.
I’m just tired of waiting. I’m tired of being bored. I’m tired of being thought of as emotionally unstable (by others). I want to go home.
Please God. Please!!!! Take us home soon
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